“Need money. Trying to get enough money for a tent so I can join the occupy movement.”

I’m going to leave this post as is. I’m not sure how I feel about this… A very strange mixture of multiple levels of emotions.

That being said. I met my match today. Let me play this out for you.

I walk onto the elevator, hit my floor. There’s already a lady on the elevator. She looks disgruntled, because just as I was walking onto the elevator the doors were beginning to close, so I caused them to pop back open. The doors close quickly after though, and we start to go up. Then there’s a little thud somewhere in the shaft, and of course my mind goes wild, thinking this is it, I’m going to die, the elevator is going to fall from its place in the shaft, and even though we’re only probably 3 flights up at this point, I’m going to die. However, I don’t move a muscle, don’t make a sound, because I know that’s an extremely irrational thought. The other lady however, beat me to it.

She looked at me, eyes wild and said, “oh my god. Did you hear that?”
“Yes,” I responded. Did my face give me away, did I look scared, is that why she was reacting so wildly. No, I think to myself, that can’t be it.
“The elevator just exploded.”
Ok. I may have had irrational thoughts, but never in a thousand years would those words have ever come out of my mouth.

“If it had exploded, wouldn’t we be dead?” I ask cautiously, trying hard not to look at her like she’s a complete idiot, but probably failing miserably.
“Oh, that’s so hollywood. They want you to think that don’t they?”

Thank goodness the elevator doors opened right then and there, and I could walk off… Lady, you’re insane.

I went to the bathroom, one stall was occupied, and being the polite person I am, I went to the one 2 stalls away, giving space between us. Then I hear it… A deep cough, a sneeze, a sniffle, ten million other bodily noises in order to cover up the sound of what she considered to be worse than all of those combined.

Just let it out darling. You don’t need to have an aneurysm pretending to cough or blow your nose. We all know what you’re doing in there…

“We’re on the right street (33), it’s just a block down here.”
“Are you sure? I feel like we’d see it.”
“Nah, it’s hard to see the Empire State Building because of all the other buildings, plus you can see Madison Square Garden there, it’s just beyond that.”

First of all, if they turned around for one moment, and looked behind them, they would see the Empire State building.
Secondly, it is somewhat behind Madison Square Garden, but that’s if you’re walking east from 9th avenue.
Thirdly, you have all this high tech gadgetry at your fingertips, and you’re still lost.

Seems like even the tourists who think they’re too cool for actual maps are doomed to be lost in NYC. I wonder how long they’ll last before they realize they’re at the Lincoln tunnel and being mugged for their iPads.

Talking to yourself

It’s not just for crazy people… Or is it? Elevators can be scary, tricky places where you stand awkwardly next to someone you may or may not know, and don’t say a word as your eyes stare blankly at the doors in front of you hoping that it doesn’t get stuck. Of course, if you’re being awkward behind someone, the person in front has no idea what you’re doing… That is unless the elevator is made of a soft mirror… Yes, that’s right creepy dude who was standing behind me… I saw you staring up and down my body and talking under your breath. Maybe if you’re going to be creepy, you shouldn’t do it where I can see you in a mirror.

It’s not a miracle, it’s disney.

Overheard as I walked back to work today.
Kid: “I want to go to Disney Land.”
Mom: “Ok, it’s just over there on 34th street.”
*headdesk*

However.

When I see 3 guys walking down 42nd street decked out in pimp gear, I get a bit worried about the state of their mental health.

We’re talking gold, purple, and green… big top hats, canes, fur around the neck, and shoes that could double as elevator lifts. I wish I had had my camera with me and could have snapped a picture.

It completely threw me off guard. I stopped looked at him, and cocked my head to the side.
“I’m going back upstairs to work… do you mean enjoy that, or the coffee in my hand?” I asked him.
“Oh, I thought you were a tourist,” he replied, and half-smiled awkwardly.
“Oh? We have tourists?” I asked back as I finished finally walking through the turnstile.
“Well, yeah… over there,” he said, and pointed out a couple of tourists who were in fact milling around the giant globe that’s in the lobby. “But I guess they don’t go upstairs…” He was looking very contemplative at that point, so I just grinned and let out a confused laugh.
“Not unless there’s some ride somewhere in this building I don’t know about… maybe like a superman ride?” I responded… now trapped in this ridiculous conversation.
“Why would there be a superman ride?”
“Because that’s why people come in here… It’s like a landmark from the movie superman,” I responded, now desperately trying to figure out an escape route. I had things to do upstairs, my coffee was sitting limp in my hand, and I could feel the wonderful warm weight, and all I wanted to do was inject the caffeine into my system as quickly as possible.
“Really?” He responded. Oh no, I was trapped… My head spun… I tripped over my thoughts, and finally I figured go with my best bet, put the coffee up to my mouth, took a sip, and nodded… He seemed to think that was enough, and he grinned back at me, and then said…”Enjoy!”

I did not ask him what I was supposed to enjoy…

Note to self.

Never respond back, even if you’re taken back…

As far as I could tell, there wasn’t anything underneath the bottle caps… sooo… umm… there will come a time when she’s going to start wearing thin in the bottle cap department. I wonder if she replenishes, or if her goal is to just go balls to the wall and let it all hang out.

“DADDY!!! I WANT TO SEE IT! PLEASE!” the little child screamed as I looked over and saw him tugging on his father’s shirt. His father had his nose buried in a map of Manhattan, oblivious to the screams. (on a side note, I always wonder if once you become a parent if you lose part of your ability to hear children’s whimperings)

“It’s around here somewhere son. Hold on, I know the empire state building is here somewhere,” the father responded, nose still buried in the map.

“But daddy! I want to see the Empire state building, why can’t I see it?” The kid kept pestering his father.

“I don’t know, I don’t know. I can’t find it on the map. I think we’re close, but I don’t know where the empire state building is. Why can’t I find the empire state building,” the father said as he finally took his face away from the map. At that exact moment, after he asked himself that absurd question, a lovely New Yorker walked right at him, and grunted.

“Why don’t you take your damn nose out of the map and look up!”

Funny point to this… they were literally standing in front of it. I don’t know if they thought in their mind that they’d see the spire as they walked towards it… or what, but yes… all they had to do, standing on that corner was look straight up…

For nearly 10 minutes, two French tourists stood in front of a magazine rack and put, I’d say almost 10 dollars worth of quarters into the NY Times slot and took turns taking pictures of each other taking out the paper. They are now the proud owners of a “true life” NYC shot, and about 10 NY times… which they proudly tucked into their bags.

Awesome.

Let’s see what’s been a random observation recently… Well, with the NY Comic Con having just ended, I saw some interesting sights… Now mind you, most of those were close to the Javitts Center… that’s why it completely took me off guard when I saw a rather portly down and out Captain Kirk walking down 42nd street outside of where I work, on the completely opposite side of town. I hope he was in fact making his way to the convention… though.. this is NYC, stranger things have happened.

As I walked to the bus station, I started noticing that the sides of 42nd street were lined with police cruisers… I started counting… There were, I think, around 45… not to mention the fact that there was also a mobile command unit. Now… all of this is a bit worrisome as you’re walking down the road… but I didn’t think anything of it… and neither did the homeless guy who was walking from one window to the next of each of the cop cars, asking for money…
Kinda made me giggle…
Even when there’s something massive going on, there’s still a sense of normalcy in it all.

Last night, my friend graciously brought me to a premiere party for Spartacus… if you’d like to read my write up about it, wait a couple of days and check out Geek Syndicate. I’ll be sending one there shortly.

BUT… I digress.
We walked into the room, and I saw Lucy Lawless standing off to the side, and nearly went weak at the knees. Here’s a person who honestly has been the penultimate actress in my life, and she was about 20 feet in front of me. I composed myself and walked to the bar, and got a “Blood in the sand” cocktail, and drank it down. The different stars of the show walked around the room, just saying hi, and then we were ushered into the screening theater.
An hour later, we walked out, and one of the actors walked into the crowd that was there… and for about 20 minutes I was sure that Lucy had split. But then, my friend said… “oh, nope, there we go” and in walked Lucy… Thankfully, I was leaning against the couch when my friend reached out and tapped her shoulder, and she spun around… we smiled, she took my hand, asked for my name, I shook her hand, my head spun… I think I told her my name… but at that point, I seriously don’t remember much after… we talked for about 10 minutes about the show, and then she walked away… My friend then looked at me and told me we weren’t leaving until I got a picture with her. I told him that in all honesty, that was enough for me… I had spoken with her (I think) and shook her hand, and she now knew my name.

Time passed, I calmed down, and got another drink. Dot Com from 30 Rock was there, spoke with him for a second when I was at the bar… he seems really cool. Shook hands with the other two stars of the show, Andy Whitfield and John Hannah, and was fine with that… (Andy, btw, though short, is HOT!)
When I walked back, my friend was talking to a publicist… I heard her say “oh, yeah, she’d definitely love to get a picture” and I realized he had asked her to get lucy to see if she’d take a picture with me. It both made me so excited, and scared out of my mind at the same time.
I smiled, and told the publicist that I was a big fan of Ms. Lawless… at which point, the publicist kind of reeled back for a moment, and shook her head… and said…
“You know it’s funny, you kind of look like her.”
And then another lady (I think she was the marketing director) said… “you know I was just thinking that!” and they talked about how much I could be her twin… and I just stood there like a grinning fool…
Then… Lucy came over… (someone went to get her) and the marketing lady told her that I was her twin… at this point, I smiled, and shrugged and looked at Lucy, and she spoke with Alex for a moment, and then looked at me, cocked her head to the side and said… “You know, you do,” and then leaned in and winked and said quietly to me, “but you’re hotter”
It was one of the coolest points of my life.
Lucy Lawless… aka Xena… gave me one of the most amazing compliments I could ever get.
So, we talked some more, she took a picture, we looked at it together, and she said that “I’m her kind of woman” and then I randomly said… “let’s dance!”
but she was getting pulled away by her handlers, and people, trying to get her to go to bed… but she looked over at them, and we stepped to the side and started dancing…
Grinning ear to ear, she leaned in, gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek after, and walked away.
The best part though… was as she was walking out of the place, she waved to me, and said “have a great night ashley”
*dies*

Saw a woman the other day who had a brown scarf around her face. As I got closer I thought it was made out of an interesting looking fabric, and then as I got even closer, I realized that it was her hair… She had pulled her hair around her neck and her face to keep herself warm. First of all, I love the fact that her hair is long enough to do that with… but then I kind of grimaced and saw a pashmina dealer on the side of the street. I really wanted to go and buy her one of the $5 scarves and give it to her, just so that she wouldn’t have to do that any longer.

Speaking of scarves… this morning, as I stood in line for the bus to take me to work, the lady in front of me was sneezing, sniffling, and snotting up a storm. Now mind you, I wouldn’t fault her that… it was bloody cold out, and I too was sniffling a bit. But as she turned around, I saw that she had a scarf around her mouth and nose. The lady was basically using her scarf as a handkerchief, but just keeping it against her face… Hmmm… nothing says “Happy Winter” like a dried snotty face in the morning after you unwrap the scarf.

And speaking of bloody cold. The other day I was walking to work, and a young woman was walking towards me… I wouldn’t have really noticed her, except for the fact that she was walking down the street in a shortish skirt, t-shirt, and light sweater on, oh, and of course… a pair of uggs… She looked completely comfortable as I passed her. I, meanwhile, was bundled in a thick sweater, jeans, wooly boots, and my sleeping-jacket coat (big long fluffy down coat). It was 5 degrees outside (fahrenheit). I guess though, when you’ve got uggs on, you’re invincible to the cold… cause that’s not the first time I’ve seen an outfit like that… why even bother with the uggs at that point?